


Not Broken At All

by AlexTirZeng



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Aromantic Obi-Wan Kenobi, Asexual Luke Skywalker, Asexual Obi-Wan Kenobi, Asexuality, Gen, Internalized Aphobia, Mentor-Protégé Relationship, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 13:00:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11692155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexTirZeng/pseuds/AlexTirZeng
Summary: Luke Skywalker is twelve years old when he realizes there is something very, very wrong with him. Too nervous to ask his Aunt and Uncle for help, and convinced they couldn't anyways, Luke seeks out his friendly neighborhood hermit. Old Ben was a wizard, he knew things, and maybe, just maybe, he could help.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or any affiliated media - it all belongs to Lucasfilm.
> 
> Hello, my lovely readers! Thank you for checking this out! Star Wars has recently consumed the entirety of my life - I've been binging Clone Wars on Netflix - and thus this was born. 
> 
> As for this fic, without revealing too much, I'd like to issue a warning that it contains mention of internalized aphobia and struggles with heteronormativity. I'll give a longer explanation about where this is coming from and my various headcanons in the author's note at the end of the chapter, if you'd care to read it.

Luke Skywalker was twelve years old when he realized there was something very, very wrong with him. He supposed it all began when Nadalia Loe, a classmate, blushingly asked him on a date. Luke's heart had skipped a beat, just like Aunt Beru said it would when he met someone special, but it wasn't the happy feeling he'd imagined. Instead, it felt as if the sand outside had somehow found its way into his chest and stomach, making him feel heavy and making it hard to breathe - a feeling Luke could safely say he never wanted to experience again. He managed to choke out that he was very sorry, but he wasn't interested, before fleeing into Uncle Owen's speeder and then home.

"You turned down _Nadalia?_ " Biggs had asked when Luke told him. Luke shrugged.

"I guess I'm just not interested in her."

"How can you not be?" Biggs eyes were wide and searching. "She's _so pretty._ "

"I'm just...not."

Biggs just shook his head. "Weird."

After that, it became rapidly apparent to Luke that he didn't like girls at all. He assumed, then, that he must like boys or other genders - everyone had to like _someone_ , right? - but found that no matter how hard he tried, that wasn't right either. Quite frankly, Luke didn't like _anyone._

People said being in love was like wearing rose colored speeder goggles that made someone look like an angel to the wearer. Luke thought that his pair must have been made with blue glass instead and were full of scratches. It wasn't that the idea of a relationship was terrible - frankly, having someone you could trust to stick around for your whole life sounded nice - but, to Luke, a theoretical concept was all it was. He never felt that much-revered pull towards another person. Even more alarming was the fact that, apparently, a relationship involved a very disturbing act involving genitalia that Luke rather wished he could scrub all knowledge of from his brain. For the life of him, he could not figure out how people could look at another person and want to do that. He couldn't fault anyone for wanting that, it seemed to be a part of normal people's lives, but personally, he'd rather lick Jabba the Hutt. In fact, for the longest time he thought the "sexual attraction" he'd heard about in science class was a myth, and that people just chose to partake in the act because their species reproduced that way. With mounting horror, Luke Skywalker realized he wasn't normal at all.

The realization sent Luke into an anxious tizzy that haunted his every waking hour, and even a few of his dreaming ones. Both Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru expressed their concern as their nephew retreated into himself, but Luke couldn't bring himself to broach the subject of his abnormality with them. Not only was the idea of talking about such things with the people who'd raised him unsettling, but Luke was certain they would not know what was wrong at best, and never look at him the same way at worst. A very small part of him wouldn't blame them if they couldn't; he imagined learning you'd raised a freak of nature wouldn't inspire pride or joy.

Almost two weeks later, it dawned on Luke that maybe there was someone he could ask. Ben Kenobi might have been an odd fellow who spent more time with grains of sand than other sentient beings, but, no matter what Uncle Owen thought, Old Ben knew things. Luke, despite being expressly forbidden to do so, had snuck out to visit the hermit on a number of occasions; Luke liked Old Ben - he was cryptic and a little crazy, but kind in what was almost a grandfatherly sort of way, and could name more stars than anyone else Luke had ever met. If anyone would know what was wrong with Luke, it'd be Ben Kenobi. Maybe he could even fix him - people did say Kenobi was a wizard, he might have a spell to make everything right.

* * *

 

There was a knock on the door.

Ben Kenobi, once Obi-Wan Kenobi, did not often get visitors. He had carefully constructed his image of a crazy old man - an image he was not too vain to admit was rather accurate these days - and the people of Tatooine, settlers and Tuskens alike, tended to avoid him. As he rose to answer the door, the part of him that had been living in a war for far too long pumped adrenaline into his system, preparing him for the possibility of an emergency despite the fact that he could sense Luke, and no one else, outside. Furthermore, he'd like to think Bail or Ahsoka would have tried to send a warning should there have been Imperial danger.

However, Luke's presence could be a concern of its own. Though it wasn't unheard of for the boy to visit, his force presence had never been so wrought with distress. Had something happened to Owen and Beru?

"Luke! Is everything alright?"

Luke swallowed hard at the question, shifting from foot to foot, before slowly shaking his head. Ben frowned.

"How about you come in?" Ben projected as much calm as he could in hopes of calming the boy. "I could get you some milk and you could sit down. It'd certainly be better than standing in this sun."

Luke followed silently, Ben's concern mounting all the while. Luke accepted the milk poured for him, though he stared at it intently instead of drinking it.

"Ben, I think there's something wrong with me."

Ben's heart constricted. "Luke, are you sick? Have you told your Aunt and Uncle?"

"No! Nothing like that. I don't think so anyway - I mean, I guess I _could_ be - but, um-" Luke took a large, shaky breath. "I'm not like everyone else. There's something weird going on with me."

Tension seeped out of Ben's shoulders. Luke was healthy. It seemed, however, that it would be time to tell Luke about the Force. Had Luke accidentally moved something with it, perhaps?

"I don't like anyone." Luke blurted out. "I mean, I like people, I have friends and stuff, but I don't _like_ people. I've never wanted to date anyone. Or kiss anyone. Or-" he shuddered, his voice dropping to a near whisper and coloring with discomfort. "have sex with anyone. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have bothered you, this is really weird, it's just that-that you know all sorts of things and I thought maybe you'd know what's wrong with me and how I could fix it?"

That hadn't been what Ben expected at all.

"Luke, you might not believe me, but I can't tell you how to fix this because there's nothing wrong with you."

"What?" incredulity dripped from the word. "Ben, you can't be serious. No one else is like this; I've never even heard of anything like this-"

"Luke." the interruption was gentle but firm. "Just because you haven't heard of something before doesn't mean it isn't real. The same principle applies when it comes to people - just because you've never met someone with a trait doesn't mean they don't exist either."

"You mean...you know people like me?"

"Certainly." Ben saw that person every time he looked in the mirror. Mind you, his own experience discovering his sexuality had been wildly different than Luke's - he had thought all Jedi were that way, considering their policies on attachment and celibacy. "It sounds to me like you're asexual. Aromantic too, if you'd like to use that model of self description."

"There are words for this? I'm this 'asexual' thing?"

"Well, I can't tell you how to identify - that's entirely up to you- but from what you're telling me, I think it could apply." Ben smiled. "Would you like me to tell you more, so you can see if the term fits?"

Luke nodded vigorously.

"Asexuality is an orientation, just like being straight or gay. In this case, it describes an attraction to no one. Some people feel their experiences with sexual and romantic attraction are separate, or don't like the idea of the concepts being intertwined, and that's where the term aromantic comes into play. Of course, there's no requirement to use it, and if someone would rather only use 'asexual' to encompass the ideas associated with aromanticism as well, that's entirely valid."

Luke was silent for a few heartbeats, mulling the words over. "So….I'm not broken?"

Ben's heart constricted, breaking a bit for the child in front of him. He fought the urge to ruffle Luke's hair. "Not at all."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may come as no surprise to you that this is coming from a rather personal place. I myself am an asexual aromantic, and Luke's experience, down to the age at which he realizes all of this, is a direct reflection of my own. As for Obi-Wan, his words are much what I now, as a young adult, wish I could have said to my younger self.
> 
> I did choose these characters for this narrative for a reason. For all that I love the Clone Wars series, the writers can pry acearo Obi-Wan Kenobi from my cold, rigor mortised hands. As for Luke, I firmly headcanon him as ace, though I can't really say I'm set in my ways about him being aro.
> 
> Anyways, this is obviously mildly AU from the movies, as I think the whole...issue...regarding Luke and Leia's relationship would have never happened. (From the point of view of my headcanon, Luke's actions regarding Leia in the films are born of recognizing that she's aesthetically beautiful and heteronormativity. I spent a long time trying to convince myself I was straight as well.)
> 
> Update Jan 04, 2018: It was respectfully pointed out to me by a reviewer on fanfiction.net that Luke's confession of his anxieties to Obi-Wan is too abrupt. I've read it over, and I agree and am working on it! However, I'm having some trouble with getting it to flow naturally, so I'm not terribly sure when the revision will be up. If you have any suggestions, feel free to leave them.


	2. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The scene that inspired me to write this fic in the first place but couldn't work into the first chapter. A short Asexuality 101 can be found in the notes.

The last time Luke Skywalker visited Ben Kenobi's hut was just before rescuing Han from Jabba. Sand had crept in and covered everything in what ranged from a thin film to miniature dunes, including the trunk to which Luke was being led by the Force. The trunk had been packed full of books - journals hand-written by the Jedi Master himself, detailing everything from Force theory to personal stories about Luke's parents - a few of holocrons, lightsaber parts, another whole lightsaber Luke would discover had belonged to a Qui-Gon Jinn, and a tiny paper package with a letter attached.

Luke had spent the time before Han's rescue pouring over Ben's notes on lightsaber construction, sorely needing to replace the one he'd lost. The moment Han was safe and they were back on the _Falcon_ , however, Luke had dived into the anecdotal aspects of the journals. His mother's name had been Padme Naberrie Amidala. His paternal grandmother's name had been Shmi. He would have clutched those facts to his chest if he could, but settled for the more tangible journals instead.

After a suitable amount of time to decompress had passed, he tiny package was up for examination. He'd had his fun trying to figure out what was in it the old fashioned way - by shaking it, using the Force would have just been cheating - but had been unable to discern anything but that it was about the size of a pebble. Perhaps simply reading the letter first would have been a good idea. Which led to what he was doing now.

 

> _Luke,_
> 
> _In the days of the Order, despite a Jedi's few possessions, it was tradition for a master to give their padawan a gift for their first birthday as their apprentice. Now, I do not know if you are to be my apprentice in this life, nevermind one where the Order never fell, so perhaps this is more a gift from an uncle to a nephew - for your father was very much my brother in all ways save for blood, but I digress._
> 
> _Now, onto the subject of the gift._
> 
> _Were I still in possession of the riverstone Qui-Gon gave me, I would give it to you. Unfortunately, I'm afraid I gave that to your father and he to Ahsoka. I do, however, still have this. During the time of the Republic, and perhaps even now, it was common for asexual beings to wear a black ring on their right middle finger. I'm not entirely sure from where the practice originated from or if you still identify this way, but if you do, I would like you to have mine. I hope it fits. It even doubles as a self-defense tool; there's a mechanism on the back that, when pressed, will cause two small spikes to spring forward on the front of the ring. And if it's at all close to your birthday, happy birthday._
> 
> _Obi-Wan Kenobi_

Luke blinked - once, twice, then a third time - before breaking into chuckles. To think he'd asked Ben if he'd ever met another asexual person when all this time…. Luke sorely hoped the ring fit.

It did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for coming along with me on this little adventure! Please drop a review if you have the time. I'd really appreciate it! As for the whole gift giving thing I mentioned in the letter, I made that up. It just seemed like a thing the Jedi would do. Not sure about the ending, but eh. I'll rework that if I have the inspiration.
> 
> Now, I did promise an asexuality 101. As I'm sure you've guessed, asexuality is an LGBTQ+ orientation meaning that a person is not attracted to anyone. Some asexuals use something called the Split Attraction Model to differentiate between sexual and romantic attraction. This is not a requirement for asexuality, nor an asexual-exclusive thing if it's helpful to a non-ace. It's really just there for people who feel they experience the two attractions separately or are uncomfortable with the idea that they have to be inherently linked. Whatever floats your boat.
> 
> It's also worth mentioning that some aces have sex. This does not negate their asexuality. Attraction and action are different things. Also, the bit about the rings is true to real life. I have an ace ring myself.
> 
> Aromanticism is the specific lack of romantic attraction, and is also not exclusive to ace people. Someone could be, for example, aromantic and bisexual, if they felt that label fit for them. (I'm not sure if the ring thing applies to non-ace aros though.) Asexuality and aromanticism can be classified together as the "a-spec" or "a-spectrum" identities.
> 
> If you'd like to learn more about asexuality and/or aromanticism, go forth and google! However, the discourse surrounding the subject right now is absolute hell, so please make sure to get your information from actual aces/aros. If you want, you can shoot me a message with questions, though I any discourse/aphobia will be deleted. I'll also recommend fuckyeahasexual on tumblr's FAQ and Reference pages. They're very useful and have some further reading links of their own!
> 
> Thanks again!

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposted on fanfiction.net


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